Light Service Sermons for the Month

Wake Up Calls
Getting Unstuck: The Dirty Dozen
DATE: July 30, 2000
TEXT: Luke 5:1-10

"Once when Peter was standing on the shore of Lake Gennersaret, a stranger came walking along trailed by a huge crowd of people pushing and jostling each other to hear what he was saying. The stranger walked up to Peter who had just come in from a not-to-successful fishing trip out of the lake, and climbed into his boat without as much as a by-your-leave. The stranger asked Peter if he would push him out a little so he could use his boat as a pulpit to talk to the people.

After he was finished, he said to Peter, "Push out into deep water and put down your nets." Now Peter had been a fisherman all his life and he knew his trade. He said, "Rabbi, we've been fishing hard all night and haven't caught even a minnow." Not wanting to cause a scene in front of the whole village and to humor the itinerant rabbi he said, "But if you say so, I'll let out the nets."

Every moment and every situation of every day provides a new choice point in life—an opportunity to do things differently and produce even better results. Yet we humans are funny critters. If something doesn’t work in our life, we tend to repeat the behavior or reaffirm old opinions. Nathaniel Branden said it this way, “We are the one species that is able to form a judgment about what is best for us to do—and then proceed to do the opposite.” Even though the answers are within us regarding most life situations, we tend to ignore what might be possible; we suppress our intuition and even disregard our own better judgment and sleepwalk—snooze--through our choice points. The result? More of the same—history is repeated.

There is an old story about twin brothers reared in an abusive, alcoholic family environment. Both parents were marginally functional, frequently out of work, and physically abusive to the twin boys. After neighbors called Children’s Services, the courts removed the boys from the home. Both boys went their independent ways, separately assigned to various foster parents.

More than three decades passed before they had contact with one another. And their circumstantial reunion was eventful. As one brother left his twenty-second-story law office one evening, he was approached by a shabbily dressed, alcoholic street person begging for a handout. While the attorney reached into his pocket for loose change, their eyes met and a vague sense of familiarity came over both of them. They talked and each discovered his long-lost twin brother.

Now worlds apart, they once shared the same womb and the same family environment. The alcoholic brother defensively argued for his position in life, “How could you expect me to be any different? Look, Mom and Dad were alcoholics. They treated me like dirt, and it was clear that I was unwanted. I learned early to drink and had to steal just to survive. Life has been tough, but I am a survivor. I had no choice but to hit the streets.”

The other brother had an entirely different perspective. “Although our folks were alcoholics and were abusive to us as well as to each other, I decided early on that I was going to do things differently. I stayed away from alcohol. I also learned that I needed to approach relationships differently, so I have invested in therapy, school, seminars, and books. While I still have some work to do, my life seems to be going quite well.

Twin brothers, coming from the same heredity and environment, obviously made different choices. One settled for survival; the other chose life. Someone once said, “It's not the hand you are dealt, it’s how you play the cards that make the difference.”

Every situation provides us with a new choice point. By identifying when we are at a choice point and tending to our inner work, we position ourselves to influence our circumstances instead of becoming victims of them. When we consciously choose how we respond, we positively influence the nature of the results and grow in the process. We shape our future rather than being shaped by it. However, rather than respond to a wake-up call it is often easier to just hit the snooze button. When that happens--chronically--we can get stuck in our stuff and doom ourselves to repeat old behaviors and patterns over and over again, allowing old stuff that gets us nowhere, to rob us of the vital life that God wants for us.

Last week I described the character of that “stuck-state.” Today, I want to talk about the first step how to get out of that stuck state. But before we do, let us pray…

Most of the time, the answers to living a quality life and getting out of our stuck-state cycle are within us. You have heard the expression “Don’t just sit there, do something!” Well, the first step in getting out of the stuck-state is the opposite. “Don’t just do something, sit there.” The first step in breaking the "stuck-state cycle," the first step in having a more fulfilled life is pausing, to pay attention to what or who, in the case of Peter, is trying to wake us up. Pausing accelerates our awakening.

A minister preached the same sermon five Sundays in a row. After the third repetitive sermon, people talked busily in the parking lot about this strange phenomenon. After the fourth Sunday, the Church Council met to discuss the situation. After the fifth, special council meeting challenged the minister about his recurring sermon. He replied, "I'm glad you noticed! I'm going to keep on preaching the same sermon every Sunday until you get it!"

In the stuck-state mode, it is easier to quickly blame external elements than to accept responsibility. However, trying to escape accountability--and who among us has not weaseled out of taking responsibility from time to time--can occur consciously or unconsciously. A writer by the name of Eric Allenbaugh outlines what he calls, "The Dirty Dozen," -- twelve ways we try to escape accountability.

1) "I had no choice"

In our opening story, the alcoholic brother told himself, "I had no choice but to drink. I was born this way" Well, that is nonsense. We all have a choice, even though you may not like its consequences.

2) "I had no control"

"The devil made me do it" is a far-reaching excuse to escape accountability. I am always intrigued when I walk into a room in the midst of a heated argument. When the minister enters, the conversation suddenly changes and courtesy takes a front seat. Unfortunately, when I leave I am also aware when the argument reasserts itself. To claim, "I had no control" excuses accountability. The mere fact they deferred to me when I entered the room proves the parties are not out of control but are using anger as a power tool.

3) "I don't know"

I don't know how to speak Italian. That was painfully obvious on our trip to Europe. But there is another kind of "I don't know" that claims not to know something when, in our heart of hearts, we do. At those times "I don't know" is just a technique we use as an excuse to let ourselves off the hook. I am always amazed when a spouse comes to me and says, "I didn't know he or she was upset with me and wanted a divorce." Nonsense. In one's heart of hearts, one knows whether his or her relationship lacks staying power. Choosing not to know is nonaccountable

4) "I forgot"

There is a difference between genuinely forgetting and choosing not to remember! I remember my kids growing up never forgot allowance day. However, they were always forgetting to make their bed.

5) "I'll try"

If you invited a couple over for dinner, how would you feel if they responded by saying, "We'll try to be there." What are they going to do--drive around your block several times trying to get to your house? Either they come to dinner or they don't. The same goes for delegation of a task. When someone says, "I'll try to get this done," ask them what they mean. I am convinced that more people are put off by "I'll try" than "No, I can't right now." A nonaccountable response, in addition to creating confusion and tension in a relationship, discounts the credibility of the speaker.

6) "If…then…!"

A person once said to me in an interview, "If the church would pay me more, I would work harder and do higher-quality work." What are the chances of that individual being paid more money? Zip! Why would an employer want to pay more to someone who is currently holding back on productivity and quality?

Or what about a person who said, "If I were in a relationship, then I would be happy." Who seeks to be in a relationship with an unhappy person? Why would someone seek out an unhappy person whose goal is to make that person responsible for their own happiness?

If you are serious about your goals, drop the conditions. Go directly to your goal. Be your goal. Just do it!

7) "Nobody told me!"

Over the years I frequently hear the complaint from old and young alike, "Nobody told me!" "Nobody told me about the test. Nobody told me about the meeting. Nobody told me when we were leaving." My favorite is "I never got the notice." Some people are notorious for not knowing no matter how many times you send them messages, phone calls or announcements. Sleepwalking through life and relationships, not being fully present, and not listening with every bone in our body results in our losing touch with reality. And then, with great nonaccountability, we announce: "Nobody told me."

8) "It's not my fault!"

When we blame others, we prevent ourselves from learning. Prisons are full of people who don't think it was their fault. Studies of inmates' accountability concluded that only 3% accept responsibility for their choices. Yes, there are times when something is truly not our fault. Blaming others, however, keeps us stuck and is ultimately rough on our own self-esteem.

9) "Its not my job!"

You can always tell a church that is sinking fast when its members think that reaching out to the unchurched is not their job. You can always tell a sinking company when all the employees are more worried about their job descriptions than excellence in their jobs. My latest experience with this is United Airlines.

10) "I can't"

Henry Ford once said, "If you think you can, or if you think you can't, you're right!" We frequently determine our outcome in advance, then behave in ways that support our predetermined conclusions.

When we say "I can't" and it really means "I won't" this escapes accountability and leaves others wondering about our credibility. "I can't make our relationship work. I can't balance a checkbook. I can't exercise three times a week." Before you say, "I can't" to yourself or others, pause. Is it true that you can't, or is it that you won't?

11) "That's just the way I am."

"Hear ye! Hear ye! Hear ye! I am fully complete. I am fully educated. I do not need any more opportunities for growth and development. What you see is what you get!" That excuse says that I am dead on the vine. My philosophy, attitudes, behaviors, and perspectives are forever fixed. Rather than people working with me, I am expecting people to work around me because I am an obstacle.

12) "I'll wait and see!"

These are the people who sit and look for flaws. These are the self-appointed skeptics of life. When things do not work out, and they seldom do for these people, they come away with the satisfaction of saying, "I told you so." And aren't these people endearing to us all?

If you resonate with any of these "stuck-state" behaviors then you have just taken the first step in breaking the stuck state cycle. By pausing this morning to listen and understand, by accepting responsibility and be accountable you have taken the first step toward living a more fulfilled life.

1) "When Peter saw the truth behind what had happened to him in that boat, he turned to the stranger in his boat and said, "Master, leave. I'm a sinner and can't handle this holiness. Leave me to myself." And the rabbi Jesus replied, "You have nothing to fear, Peter. From now on you will be catching not fish but men and women."

Mike Wickett says "Life does not happen to us, it happens from us." When Peter and Andrew encountered Jesus there on the Sea of Galilee, they had choice. Lower their nets at this carpenter's suggestion or respond, "Hey, we've spent our whole lives fishing. We know fish. And there ain't no fish!" Instead they consciously chose not to push their snooze alarm. Instead they chose life, converting this wake-up call of God into a gift that brought them eternal life.

John: For the end of the service

You have just received a wake-up call. You have just encountered a brand new choice point. Now I suggest to you:

1) Tap into your inner resources.
2) Determine what you want to create in your life, and set specific written goals.
3) Clarify your values and principles that can serve as guides in decision making at the choice point.
4) Share your goals with a trusted friend and ask for feedback.
5) Keep a record. Your mind processes written information differently that just thinking about it.
6) Don’t say, “This is just the way I am.” Because its not true.
7) Once a week, review your life choices and celebrate your successes.

AMEN

---