This Week's Light Service Sermon

Light Service Sermons for the Month
The Gifts You Give Your Children
DATE: May 13, 2001
TEXT: Matthew 7:7-11

Little 3-year old Sachi had a brand new member in her family. A baby. Sachi kept begging Mommy and Daddy to get into the baby's room. Mom and Dad were not all that eager to let Sachi in the room alone because they weren't certain how much she welcomed this new baby into the home. Would there be jealousy?
Finally, one day Mom and Dad decided to let Sachi have her time alone with the new baby. Sachi went into the room and closed the door (but there was a little crack where mom and dad could peer inside). As they watched, Little Sachi went over to the new baby, put her face in the face of the new baby and said, "Baby, what is God like? I'm already starting to forget."
Have you forgotten what God is like? I'm told many people starting forgetting what God is like going from the church lobby to the parking lot! And many more have already forgotten by the time they get home.
Today we want to focus on what God is like so that we can remember. We want to remember in good times and bad times. We need to remember to tell the stories of what God has done because it is so easy to forget what God is like.
The Bible encourages us to never forget. Deuteronomy 4:9: "You must be very careful not to forget the things you have seen God do for you. Keep reminding yourselves and tell your children and grandchildren as well."
Today we want to focus on how mothers, fathers, all of us can help our children, our grandchildren, the little children and the adult children, remember who God is.
I'd like to focus on four gifts that can help us remember who God is:
1) First of all, we can give the gifts of self-esteem to our children.
It is true that if a person can stand himself or herself, they can stand anything. One of God's toughest jobs is to make us believe we are worth something.
We are told that we are created in the image of God. In Psalms it tells us that we are the apple of God's eye. But we forget it. We forget that is true! God believes in us. God loves us.
How can we help our children build self-worth and self-esteem and feel that they are valued and worthy?
I believe to build in esteem we need to build in acceptance. Building in acceptance helps build in self-esteem--to be accepted for who we are. I think of a young man in my former congregation who was autistic. He had serious behavioral problems. They only thing that Mike could do was shriek. It was Mike's way of letting God know how much he loved Him.
I also think of Marie. The little girl was adopted as an infant. At two years of age, the parents discovered she had extensive heart problems. These problems often took her to Children's Hospital. Marie's heart was constantly in danger of just stop beating and if one parent or the other were not there to administer a mild shock to her heart, there was fear she would die. A friend asked Marie's mother if she was going to keep her or return her to the adopting agency. She said, "Keep her? She's our daughter!" She was able to accept her unconditionally, non-judgmentally.
Another ingredient in building self-esteem is affection. We are told that little girls receive more affection than little boys. Particularly adolescent girls as opposed to adolescent boys. Psychologists tell us that boys don't hear the words, "I love you." They don't experience the hugs and the gentle touches as much as girls.
There is a woman in Australia, 34 years old, who never once had someone tell her, "I love you." Well, she didn't say it to her girls either. One day she realized what was happening in her life and how painful it had been. Her children were causing all kinds of trouble. She sat in her room with her 10-year old and 8-year old children. She asked that they sit beside her. She looked into their eyes and said, "I love you." She said that within 6 months, about 90% of their behavior had been totally transformed from negative to positive. Affection! Those gentle hugs, touches, and words of "I love you" are so important. We need to figure out how many different ways we can say, "I love you."
Another ingredient in building esteem is approval. One great word to celebrate today is that we don't have to work hard to get God's approval. We already have it.
There's a game a mother plays with her child. It's intended to build her worth and esteem. It is the "I love you" game. She would sit her little girl down and say, "Who loves you?" And her little girl would start off (this was a daily routine), "Well Mommy loves me."
"Yes."
"Daddy loves me."
"Yes"
"My sister loves me."
"Yes."
"My grandpa loves me."
"Yes."
"My grandma loves me."
"Yes and who else?"

Then she'd smile and say, "I love me." And then her mother would say, "Why do you love you?"
And without hesitation she would say, "Because God loves me."
When we realize that when we have God's approval and realize that we are loved, we are free to love our children and one another. We can build healthy esteem by giving the gift of approval and affection to our children.
2) Secondly, there's a gift of confidence.
Encouragement breeds confidence. Zig Zigler wrote a book titled, "Raising Positive Kids." He wrote, "If a child lives with criticism, they learn to condemn. If a child lives with hostility, she learns violence. If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to be shy. If a child lives with shame, she learns to feel guilty. If child lives with encouragement, that child learns confidence."
A year ago I met up with a parishioner from my last congregation. Madeleine was a foster parent. She has raised dozens of kids over the years. I remember one particularly difficult young boy who had been moved from home to home because of problems. Madeleine decided no matter what this young boy was going to stay put in her house.
Well, one day she confided that he had used a ball bat to demolish a set of dishes she own. I am sure that he thought that would get him kicked out. Madeleine, however, went out and bought a set of plastic dishes, placed them on the kitchen table and then proceeded to pick up one after the other and throw them on the floor. All they did was bounce. Armond stood there amazed. Then Madeleine made I think one of the most profound statements I have ever heard, "Seth. Would you help me pick up these plates? Would you help me set the table?"
That is how confidence begins. With encouragement. That is one of the greatest gifts we can give our children.
3) Another gift we can give our children is the gift of a future with hope.
When our children realize that they have hope in the future, they behave differently in the way they live each and every day.
Walt Kallestad wrote a book titled, Wake Up Your Dreams. In it he includes a whole chapter on children. One of the things he did was to talk about how we can help our children build their dreams which I think in turn helps them fill their future with hope. He uses the acronym TWINKLE to describe how we can give hope to our children.
T stands for test. It is important for us to test out all the possibilities with our children. We are to discover what God placed in their lives as gifts and talents and abilities and to take them to a variety of experiences--from music to sports to crafts to technology--whatever it might be! Test out all the possibilities.
W stands for work. Work on the gifts that they might have. Help them develop and encourage them to hone the skills, gifts, and talents that God has given them.
I stands for involve. Involve yourself wholeheartedly. I believe that the greatest act of love is involvement.
N stands for nurture. Nurture character. Instill, craft, and etch character into the lives of our children. Scott Zimmer was one of the owners of Echostar. He was talking about how he was at a convention not long ago discussing economics. A friend came up to him and said, "I heard you sold your Echostar stock. Why? If you had hung on you could have doubled your money! You could have been very, very rich." He said, "That was an easy decision." He had his friend's attention. The friend said, "How can you say it was an easy thing to do?" He said, "When I was a little boy my mom and dad talked to me about morals, values and ethics. They etched that in my life so that when I became an adult and faced situations--what was right and what was wrong--I knew what to do. And so it was an easy decision."
K stands for Keep Balance. Help our children twinkle by helping then keep in balance mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually.
L stands for Lead the Way. As parents we are leaders. Our children follow in our footsteps. The lyrics to the song, "Cats in the Cradle" by Cat Stevens is so true: "I'm going to be like you dad. I'm going to be just like you." And they are! Our children are just like us!
E stands for Encourage. Encouragement builds confidence. As we are confident in the future, the Bible talks about hope that will never disappoint us.
4) Then finally, the fourth gift today that we can give our children, is the gift of faith.
I want to be real honest and talk to you from my heart. Moms and Dads that bring their children to church and teach their children about Jesus Christ, 72% of those children end up following Jesus Christ throughout their life (maybe not today or tomorrow; there will be periods our children seem disconnected or disinterested), but 72% of our children will follow Jesus Christ. However, parents who do not bring their children to worship and talk about faith--only 6% of the children ever come to faith in Jesus Christ. That is significant. The greatest thing we can do as a mother, as a father is to let our children know how much God loves them. How much God believes in them.
Denny didn't have that experience growing up. His father was an alcoholic. His father wasn't interested in God or faith or the church. In fact, his father would come home in a drunken stupor. Either he would pass out or he would be enraged. When he was enraged he would beat Denny. Denny had two sisters who were sexually molested. They began to hate Dad. While they grew more and more angry, Denny began talking it out on the football field. He became a terror. He would try to disable people--not just to tackle them--he would try to take them out.
One day as a sophomore in high school he came home to find his father beating his mother. Denny defended his mother and beat his father so bad that it sent him to the hospital. Denny felt satisfied doing that. But he and his dad never talked again. Denny went onto college. He, himself, got hurt in college. He didn't know what to do with his life. He had married his high school sweetheart. That marriage ended in disaster. He got married again. That ended. He got married again. That ended. Through all of this be became like his dad. He started to drink. He became an alcoholic. A friend said, "You know, you need to go to AA with me." One night he did go. For the first time he heard about God. He heard about faith. He started to change his behavior. God worked in his life in a magnificent way. One day he called his dad on the phone and said, "Dad, I want to talk to you." His dad hung up.
When he became 40 he tried to call his dad again. His dad again hung up. Meanwhile he had met a woman who had faith. He married her. She would pray daily for Denny. He had friends who were praying for him. She said, "Denny, you call him right back." So he called him back and said, "Dad, don't hang up. I want you to know that I love you and I want to tell you why I love you. I love you because I have faith in Jesus Christ and Jesus has changed my life." He was able to meet with his dad and share Jesus Christ with his father. His father died shortly after that (within three months). But his dad died as a believer.
Faith does make a difference.
The gift of faith is what God wants to give every single man, woman and child here today. The Bible tells us in Hebrews: "Faith is the assurance of things hoped for. The conviction of things unseen."
Remember God, friends. Don't forget God this week. When you're working with your children, when you're working in the market place, when you are driving in your car, remember the things of God so that you can enjoy life as God dreamed that you would.
AMEN