This Week's Light Service Sermon

Light Service Sermons for the Month
God's Vision for Your Life
God's Vision for Your Relationships
DATE: April 18, 1999
TEXT: Romans 12:9-10;14-21

Pepper Rodgers, the one time football coach of UCLA, was in the midst of a terrible season. Things were going so badly that it was even upsetting his home life. He says of that time, "My dog was my only friend. I told my wife that a man needs at least two friends, so she bought me another dog."
English poet Rupert Brooke, was about to board a ship from Liverpool to New York. He noticed that all the other passengers had people standing on the dock waving to them. Since he didn't, he started feeling a bit sad and lonely. As he surveyed the crowd, he noticed a newspaper boy standing by himself. So Rupert Brooke ran over to him and asked, "What's your name son?"
"Bill," said the young boy.
"Bill, do you want to earn some money?"
Bill enthusiastically nodded yes. "Then Bill," said Rupert, "stand over there on the dock and wave goodbye to me as the boat leaves."
Like Pepper Rodgers and Rupert Brooke, we all need friends. We need someone who will love us, accept us, and stand by us. If there's one thing people long for in life, it's strong, healthy relationships. You see, we can't live without them. God created us to live in relationship with other people. And as all of us have discovered, there's nothing in life that brings more joy or pain, than relationships.
God's vision for our relationships is that they be happy, energizing, and fulfilling. That our relationships play a role in making life all God dreams it can be for us.
In our Bible reading for today God shares with us some thoughts on how our relationships can be healthy and energizing. And today, as we continue our series on God's vision for our lives we're going to look at God's vision for our relationships. But before we do, let's pray together.
PRAYER
One day Linus talk his big sister Lucy that he wanted to be a doctor. Lucy, in her typically supportive way said, "You a doctor! That's a laugh. You could never be a doctor. You know why? Because you don't love humankind!" Linus, in an attempt to defend himself, replied, "I do to love humankind. It's people I can't stand."
Linus has hit on something very significant when it comes to relationships. The biggest problem with relationships is that they involve people. People who have different opinions and personalities than we do. Unpredictable people who can love you and stab you in the back all in one breath. People who are just like we are.
And yet, without close-knit relationships we miss out on the essence of life. For, as I mentioned before, God created us to live in relationships with others. For it's as we develop strong, healthy friendships that we discover who we are and experience the joy life has to offer.
In our Bible reading for today God shares with us some keys to building healthy, energizing relationships. He shares with us some of the ingredients that go into relationships than can help tip the scales in favor of strong friendships, ingredients that can help us experience his vision for our relationships.
This morning, I'd like to look at some of those ingredients with you, and I'd like to encourage you to turn to your worship brochure and follow along as we unlock some of these relationship building principles.
This particular letter was written by a man named Paul. And what's interesting to note is that before he talks about relationships, Paul spends 11 chapters setting the stage. He uses those 11 chapters to share with us the basis of healthy relationships, and that basis is Jesus Christ. Paul tells us that Jesus' purpose for coming to earth was to establish a relationship with us, and Paul talks about all that Jesus has done for us to make that relationship possible. For example, he tells us that while we were separated from God, while our relationship with God was hostile, Jesus died for us. And his death makes things all right once again between God and us. Paul tells us that Jesus affirms his friendship with us everyday by pouring unconditional love and acceptance into our hearts. he also mentions that Jesus enhances his friendship with us by drawing out our God-given potential.
So for Paul, healthy relationships begin with our relationship with God. God sent Jesus to ensure that we could experience a close, intimate, energizing friendship with him everyday. And when our relationship with God is healthy, we're ready to begin building healthy relationships with others.
So having laid that foundation, let's look at what the Bible has to say about building strong relationships.
1) The first ingredient for building healthy relationships is love.
Romans 12:10 says, "Love one another with mutual affection...." and verse 15, "Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep."
When Paul talks about love he intentionally uses the love expressed between family members, because he wants us to see the whole picture of love. For love, in most families, is a mixed bag. On the one hand, loving families are fiercely loyal to each other. They'll stand by each other not matter what. On the other hand, loving families also fight each other fiercely. They struggle together; they laugh together; they weep together. But they know no matter what, they're in it together and nothing will stop them from supporting each other in love.
Jesus models a similar kind of love in his relationship with us. He's fiercely loyal to us. He'll always stand by us, no matter what. When the going gets tough Jesus will be there to cry with us, hurt with us, and when the struggle is over, to celebrate with us.
And he invites us to do the same in our other relationships. Healthy relationships are built when we choose to love each other and stand by each other, no matter what. To share in the good times and the bad times of life, knowing that the bond of friendship is knit tightly together with love.
2) A second ingredient of healthy relationships is respect.
Romans 12:10 says, "Out do one another in showing honor." and verse 16, "Live in harmony with one another; do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly; do not claim to be wiser than you are."
Respect always choose to see the best in others. It freely compliments and builds up. It treats people with dignity and honor. Abraham Lincoln once said, "A drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall." People who value and build up others build healthy relationships. They take the time to really get to know someone, so that they might see to their hearts.
Winston Churchill's aunt once said to a man applying to be his personal secretary, "You'll see all of Winston's faults in the first five hours. But it will take you a lifetime to discover his virtues."
Healthy relationships build respect by hanging in there long enough to discover the gifts inside each person. Jesus is a great example of this in the way he treats us. he honors us each day by choosing to see the best in us and by helping us become all God created us to be. He always treats us with dignity and respect, as people created in the image of God. he continually takes delight in being friends with us.
Respect builds healthy relationships.
3) A third ingredient of healthy relationships is peace.
Romans 12:18 says, "so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all."
Former English Prime Minister Ramsey MacDonald was discussing the possibility of lasting peace. The official, an expert on foreign affairs, was not impressed with the Prime Minister's idealistic viewpoint. He said, "The desire for peace does not necessarily ensure it." To which MacDonald said, "Quite true. But neither does the desire for food satisfy your hunger, but at least it get you started toward a restaurant."
Peace is the desire to keep the relationship strong, to do whatever it takes to stay on the same page together, to keep your hearts beating to the same time. For peace is the glue that holds a relationship together through the good times and the tough times.
4) Finally, a fourth ingredient of healthy relationships is forgiveness.
Romans 12:17 says, "Do not repay anyone evil for evil, but take thought for what is noble in the sight of all." And Verses 19-21, "Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave room for the wrath of God; for it is written, 'Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.' No, if your enemies are hungry, feed them; if they are thirsty, give them something to drink; for by doing this you will heap burning coals on their heads. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."
A mother brought her two fighting children together and demanded that they apologize to each other. They hesitantly did so, but then they younger daughter said, "I'm apologizing on the outside, Mommy, but I'm still angry on the inside."
Holding on to the hurt and wanting to avenge it only leads to bitterness and isolation. And if we're not careful, that bitterness can destroy the relationship and even us. That's why God says we shouldn't avenge our hurt. Because revenge ends up hurting us.
Forgiveness, on the other hand, is the oil of healthy relationships, for forgiveness lets go of the hurt, the pain, and the wrong, so that the relationship can get back on track. Forgiveness disarms the negative tension and frees us up, along with the one who offended us so that we can start again.
Between by freshman and sophomore year in college I worked as a waiter at a restaurant near the east entrance to Yellowstone National Park. The place was called Pahaska Tepee or "long haired man's home." It was once Buffalo Bill Cody's old hunting lodge. There were other teenagers who worked there two for the summer. For some reason, there was a guy there who absolutely hated me and I didn't think too much of him either. He was bigger than me and delighted in needling me every chance he got.
On one particular hot August afternoon, we got into again and he challenged me to a fight. (I'm not particularly proud of this episode in my life.) I said I would meet him behind the fake Indian Tepee out back. I wanted this to be a private fight. No onlookers. To make a long story short, he beat the crap out of me but I kept getting back up until he refused to come at me again. He finally left me standing there and walked away.
That evening, after work, I decided I would apologize to that guy for any hurt I might have caused him.
He was absolutely stunned. He almost didn't know what to do. And even thought we never really became good friends, the sting of anger was gone from the both of us. We no longer had a reason to hate each other for the apologies and forgiveness took it away. We actually started saying hi to each other and at the end of the season, I helped him drive to Chicago.
2000 years ago Jesus came to establish a relationship with us by disarming us through dying on a cross for us. Through his death and resurrections, he made forgiveness a possibility. And he shares that forgiveness freely with us everyday. he lets us know that no matter what we've done in our lives, he no longer holds it against us. We no longer need to hide from him in shame. The past is forgiven. Each day is a brand new start.
And today, he invites us to experience that life-plus life through a party--a celebration we call communion. As we eat the bread and drink the wine Jesus is present to love us unconditionally, to fill us with joy and hope, to give us a fresh start. It's a party that can re-energize our lives.
And as we experience the love, respect, peace, and forgiveness that Jesus offers us, we can share it with others, that we might enjoy God's vision for our relationships, a vision of strong, healthy, energizing friendships.
AMEN