Light Service Sermons for the Month
Key Principles
DATE: January 4, 1998
SERVICE: Second Sunday after Christmas
TEXT: Mark 1:40-42
Light Service Sermons for the Month
How to Build Healthy Relationships
Key Principles
DATE: January 4, 1998
SERVICE: Second Sunday after Christmas
TEXT: Mark 1:40-42
Benjamin Franklin, in addition to being one of the founding fathers of the United States also served as the ambassador to France. While there he was one of the most sought after, popular people in the country. But Franklin wasn’t always so popular. In his autobiography, he describes himself in his early years as blundering, uncouth and unattractive. In fact, one day an old Quaker friend pulled Franklin aside and told him that his friends enjoyed themselves better when he wasn’t around. Fortunately, Franklin later realized his social shortcomings. He committed himself to becoming friendly and building healthy relationships. The result: Franklin became the kind of person most people wanted to be around.
Experts tells us one of the fastest growing diseases in our country today is loneliness. Though we are surrounded by millions of people, many feel alone. Research has been done to track the effects of loneliness on people: Lonely people live significantly shorter lives than the general population. You see, God created us to live in relationships with people. We function best in relationship. We are the healthiest when we have significant, healthy relationships with others.
And yet many of us are like the young Benjamin Franklin. We don’t have many strong relationships. For many of us, our lives are littered with broken, failed relationships. Thankfully, the keys to building healthy relationships can be found in the Bible.
In our Bible reading today, we find the story of a man who desperately needed a friend. Through no fault of his own, this man had been ostracized from society, an outcast because he had the misfortune of being stricken with leprosy, a skin disease that caused as much fear back then as AIDS does today. Because people feared catching leprosy, lepers were forced to live outside the city. Forbidden any kind of contact with healthy people, should people come their way, lepers were required to warn them by yelling, “Unclean! Unclean!”
Imagine what that did to their self-image. Needless to say, for the man in our story the isolation and loneliness had to be overwhelming. Here was a person who needed a friend. A leper learned that Jesus was nearby, and sought him out hoping for a miracle. In his encounter with Jesus, not only did he receive the healing he so desperately wanted but he found a friend—one who loved and accepted him unconditionally.
This morning I want to take a deeper look at this story with you. For in looking at Jesus’ response to the leper, we find some important keys for building healthier relationships. And in the process it may just happen that some of you will meet a new friend, a friend who can transform your life.
Before we talk, let’s pray together: O God Creator of the world; you have filled the earth with a wondrous gift—the spark of creativity itself. Help us to use that spark…. Each one of us…to love one another in new ways. Guide us to use all our talents to give comfort, to show care, to frivolously share our love. Never let us tire of loving one another. AMEN
As we look at the way Jesus responded to the leper, we find several principles for building healthy relationships. I’d like to look at some of those principles briefly with you.
In looking at the story of the leper, we learn that the first key for building strong friendships is to decide to see the God-given value in each person. Where everyone was repulsed by the leper, Jesus was drawn to him. Jesus saw beyond the disease of the man to the God-given dignity within him. Jesus always did that; he always decided to see the best in people and to draw it out of them.
Psychologist William James says that the deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated. All of us want people to see the best in us, to see and value our God-given worth. People who build strong, healthy relationships continually chose to focus on that God-given worth.
During the first day of an introductory speech class, the teacher went around the room and asked the students to introduce themselves. They were asked to respond to 2 questions: “What do I like about myself?” and “What don’t I like about myself?”
Hiding in the back of the room was red-haired girl named Dorothy. Long hair hung down around her face almost hiding it. When it came to her turn, the room fell silent. Dorothy refused to say anything. So the teacher moved his chair next to her and repeated the question. Finally, Dorothy sighed, sat up in the chair and pulled her hair back revealing a large, irregularly shaped red birthmark on her face. She said, “That should show you what I don’t like about myself.”
The teacher was overcome with compassion for her and did something she had never done before. She kissed her on the cheek, the cheek with the birthmark, and said, “It’s OK Dorothy. God and I still think you’re beautiful.”
Dorothy wept uncontrollably for 20 minutes. The other students gathered around to hug her and encourage her. It was the first time in her life anyone had ever loved her and affirmed her worth and value.
Healthy relationships begin when we choose to see the best in people; when we focus on their God-given value and treat them with dignity.
Secondly, as we observe the relationship-building skills of Jesus, we see that relationships are strengthened when we learn to listen.
People didn’t hang around to listen to lepers. Instead they ran as far from them as possible. Not so Jesus. He stopped and listened intently to what the leper had to say. He valued him enough to hear him out and then respond to the man’s request. Dale Carnegie once said, “You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.” In other words, the secret to being interesting is to be interested. And there is no better way than by listening.
A third key to building relationships with people is to cultivate transparency. The Bible says that when he heard and saw the pain of that lonely leper, Jesus was moved with pity. People could actually see in his face and body language that Jesus was deeply concerned about the well being of the leper. His emotions of love and compassion were visible to all. In his dealing with people Jesus was always transparent. He was honest with people. He didn’t wear masks. He didn’t try to be someone he wasn’t. He was free to express any and all of his emotions.
People are attracted to those who are transparent, to those who are honest and sincere in the way they present themselves. As we let people see inside us, we’ll find that our relationships become much stronger. Transparent people tend to be magnets that attract others.
A fourth key for building healthy relationships is to demonstrate your affection. Not only was Jesus moved with pity at the plight of the leper, but also his compassion moved him to respond with help. Jesus responded in a very tangible way—he reached out and touched the leper. Here was a man who had had no physical contact from the moment it was learned he was a leper. People stayed away from him. Fearing the leper, people threw rocks at him to get him to stay away. And yet Jesus, overwhelmed with love, reached out and touched the man. That touch spoke volumes to that lonely, alienated leper.
Perhaps nothing demonstrates affection more than a meaningful touch. Research demonstrates over and over again the importance of touch for maintaining health and wholeness. But more than keeping us healthy, a meaningful touch communicates acceptance. By touching the leper, Jesus was clearly saying he wanted to be friends with the leper: that he accepted the leper just as he was. A handshake, a hug, holding hands for prayer, a touch on the shoulder instantly draws people together like nothing else.
A few years ago a group of young medical students were training in the children’s ward of a large hospital.One of the students seemed particularly loved by the children. They always greeted him with joy and excitement. The others wanted to find out why the kids loved this medical student so much they decided to follow him as he made his rounds.
They didn’t discover anything out of the ordinary until the night rounds. It was then that they observed that he kissed every child goodnight. Healthy relationships are build when we demonstrate, in tangible ways, our love and affection for others.
Finally, the last and most important key for building healthy relationships is to become friends with Jesus. In order to make friends, we have to be a friend, the kind of person people want to be with. And yet there are many barriers in life that keep us from building healthy relationships. One of the barriers is a cold heart—a heart that cannot love due to bitterness and anger. A second barrier is a hurt heart—a heart scarred by failed relationships of the past. A third barrier to healthy relationships is the shy heart—the heart that sees no worth or value in his or her life.
The Good News is that just as Jesus brought healing and wholeness to the leper by being his friend, so he can bring healing and wholeness to you by being your friend. He can thaw your cold heart by removing bitterness through the unconditional forgiveness and acceptance of you. He can heal your hurt by putting the broken pieces back together. He can free you from your shy heart by helping you see yourself as he does as a person with worth and value.
You see, no matter how you feel about yourself, no matter what kind of friend you are right now, Jesus loves you. And he stands ready to shower you with his love just as he did with the leper. He wants to touch you with his compassion. He wants to restore your worth and dignity. He wants to be your life-time friend and transform you into the person you were created to be.
And as you become friends with Jesus, you find you are better able to love yourself and others enough to build healthy relationship with them. If you feel lonely, if your heart is cold, hurt or shy,I encourage you to let Jesus love you. I invite you to take him up on his offer of friendship. Its a relationship guaranteed to transform your life.
AMEN