This Week's Light Service Sermon

Light Service Sermons for the Month
A G-Rated Look at Great Sex
How to Repair Damaged Relationships
DATE: February 1, 1998
TEXT: Genesis 1:27, 2:2-22, 4:1

She walks into the smoke filled room. She sees him sitting off by himself in the corner. At that moment, he happens to turn toward her. Their eyes lock. They walk toward each other. They put their arms around each other and with knowing smiles on their faces, they head to her apartment. For the next several hours, with hormones raging and breathing heavy, they fill her bedroom with unbridled passion.

At 6:00 the next morning they shower, say goodbye, and walk away, never to see each other again.

That's sex, Hollywood style. It's always passionate. It's always safe. No one ever gets pregnant. No one ever contracts a sexually transmitted disease like AIDS even though they have multiple partners. No one ever walk away with a broken heart, the result of the emotional investment given through the act of sex.

During a typical prime time hour on TV, sex or sexual behavior is talked about 15 times per hour or once every four minutes. Nearly 90% of all prime time references to sex are outside of the context of marriage.

You would think judging by all the latest Washington revelations that we in America are all responsible sexual beings. However, you can't watch a movies, a TV show or commercial without being continually bombard with the message that sex, with anyone at anytime, is great and passion-filled, and always complication free.

Statistics prove over and over again that we have bought more into the former than the latter. By age 19, 80-90% of men and women are sexually active.

But contrast the Hollywood picture of sex with the one I recently saw in a video on AIDS. A young man in his late teens or early 20's made this stunning comment: "We're growing up in a world where sex can kill you."

AIDS, other sexually transmitted diseases, sexual addictions, rising pregnancies, broken hearts and damaged relationships tell a different kind of story than does Hollywood. For many, sex has been anything but great. Instead, it's brought a lot of pain, shame, guilt, doubt, and hurt.

Contrast that more realistic picture of sex as it is today with the first picture of passion every recorded—the story of Adam and Eve.

Beautiful gardens and every kind of animal you can imagine surrounded Adam. But something was missing. He had no one to share it with.

God sensed Adam's unhappiness, and because he loved Adam, God decided to give Adam a gift. He put Adam to sleep and when he awoke, there before him stood a woman. Being a man and verbally articulate, Adam no doubt stared at her with eyes glazed over, his jaw on the ground grunting the "beginning of time" equivalent to "Huba huba; WOW."

Then sparks began to fly. They fell deeply in love, committed themselves to each other and then, in beautiful but very subtle language, the Bible describes their first sexual encounter. It says, "Now the man knew his wife Eve…"

All of the passion, raging hormones, and melodic symphonies playing in the background on the Hollywood set cannot even come close to capturing the power, the pleasure, and fun Adam and Eve had as described in that simple phrase, "Now the man knew his wife Eve…"

For captured in that small phrase, "to know" is everything we need to put the GREAT back into sex. It captures the love, the intimacy, the friendship, the trials and joys, the commitment. It captures everything that makes for great sex, everything that Hollywood and many Americans avoid, or miss out on.

I believe God created sex to be fun, great, exciting, passionate, and everything TV says it is, but much more. For sex used as God intended it to be used never leads to broken hearts. It doesn't devalue people. It doesn't lead to shame, guilt, disease, or the other heartaches many in our country have experienced. Sex as God created it can be one of the most satisfying experiences two people can share together.

And in our Bible reading for today, God shares with us some keys that can help us put the GREAT back into sex. But before we talk about it, let's pray together.

O precious Savior, Lord of Love: As you loved the Church and gave yourself unselfishly for your beloved, so in our families move husbands and wives to love and serve, to nourish and cherish one another, that in our homes your presence may be known, your will be done, your love be manifest. AMEN

When God created sex, he meant for it to be a special gift shared between two committed people—a gift that would enhance the relationship, not strain or even break it. And he loved us enough to not only give us the gift of sex, but to also give us guidelines to help us make the most of it. So let me quickly share with you five Biblical keys for putting the GREAT back into sex.

1) First of all, to enjoy sex the way God intended us to enjoy it, we need to become familiar with the owner's manual.

I remember one Christmas; I bought my son a starter HO train set. That train was meant to be a gift. My intent was that it bring joy and happiness on Christmas morning.

However, in order for it to work, it had to be put together right. I stayed up most of the night getting that train to work. I say most of the night because in the beginning I did what every red blooded America boy does. I tried to do it first without reading the instructions. Then when all else failed, I read the directions. If it had not been for the directions that train could have turned from a gift into a pain in the neck. I loved my kid too much to take any chances. I made sure I followed the directions perfectly so that when Skip awoke the next morning, that train would work.
A couple of years ago, I bought my wife a breadmaker because I like bread. Now there are right ways and wrong ways to make bread. I have discovered that if I want that bread to turn out right I must measure everything correctly. I use all the right ingredients, measured properly, mixed correctly. When I don't do that, my bread is never as good.
Sex is without a doubt the most powerful gift God has given to us. If used as he intended, it can bring joy, satisfaction, intimacy, fulfillment and pleasure. If it is misused, however, it can cause all kinds of emotional and physical destruction.
Thankfully, God loves us too much to give us such a powerful gift without an owner's manual. He gives us directions on the proper use of sex not to rob us of the joy or because he's a prude, but because he wants to protect us. Because he wants what's best for us, because he wants our sexual lives to be great, he shares with us the do's and don'ts of sex.
By getting to know him, his love for us, his passion for our well being, and by reading his word, the Bible, we discover his plan for our sexual lives, a plan meant to enhance our sexual lives, not detract from them.
To put the GREAT back into sex, we need to begin by getting to know the creator of sex through his son Jesus and by becoming familiar with the Bible.
2) A second key for putting the GREAT back into sex is to enjoy our sexuality.
According to the Bible, being a sexual person is part of being created in the image of God. He created us in his image male and female which tells us that God values our sexuality and because he does, we can too.
Often Christianity has made us feel guilty because we have sexual feelings. We find ourselves attracted to people of the opposite sex and even enjoying some of the sexual tension that exists when men and women are together. For some reason, some brands of Christianity have told us such feelings are inappropriate and must be shoved out of our minds.
The truth is, God created us with sexual feelings. He doesn't want us to deny them, but to handle them responsibly. To recognize that if we aren't careful, those feelings can get out of control.
You see, we're not only created with sexual feelings, but we're also created with a will that can choose to respond to those feelings in appropriate or inappropriate ways.
Many young people today are rebelling against our inappropriate sexual morals. They're tired of people insinuating that they are barnyard animals who must have sex or else to throw them some condoms. They are realizing our God-given sexuality means having the right to choose how we will respond to our feelings.
It's OK to feel good about your sexuality, to feel pretty or handsome, to want to be attractive. Being sexual beings means we are created in the image of God.
3) A third key for putting the GREAT back into sex is to use sex in the context of commitment.
We live in a society that wants it all without the commitment. Many want sex without commitment. They want the convenience without the relationship. But as the broken hearts and failed relationships show, sex without commitment doesn't work.
God created sex to be enjoyed in one context and one context only, and that is the context of marriage. Because sex is the complete giving of oneself to another, because it is a life-unifying act, to use it without a life-unifying commitment devalues the gift of sex and the people involved.
You cannot have sex with a person without giving a piece of yourself away. That's the power of sex. It is the most intimate expression of love possible. And it can only be enjoyed in a relationship of marriage. Because of the emotional investment of sex, God designed it to be used in marriage, again not because he's a prude or killjoy, but because he loves us and wants us to enjoy the gift in the best way possible.
4) Then a fourth key for putting the GREAT back into sex is to keep the relationship of marriage healthy.
Marriage in and of itself does not guarantee great sex. Many people have found sex even in marriage to be painful and demeaning for a host of reasons including painful sexual relationships in the past, growing up in a dysfunctional home, an abused past and so on.
A great sex buster is the lack of a healthy relationship. Great sex does not lead to a great relationship. Instead, it is a great, healthy relationship that leads to great sex. In order to keep the sparks flying in our sexual lives we need to do those things that keep the marriage strong. We need to keep talking, to keep flirting, to keep touching, to keep complimenting, and to keep growing together. Great sex happens in a strong, healthy marriage.
5) Finally, a fifth key for putting the GREAT back into sex is to value yourself enough to wait until marriage.
Ann Landers printed the following poem back in 1985. The first is by a woman.
"I met him. I liked him. I liked him. I loved him. I loved him. I let him. I let him. I lost him."

A man wrote the second. "I saw her. I liked her. I loved her. I wanted her. I asked her. She said no. I married her. After 60 years, I still have her."
All across the United States, people--especially young people--are making a commitment to wait until marriage before they have sex. Some have made a commitment to a second virginity. They have had sex in the past, but have decided that from now on they will wait. They value themselves and others enough to enjoy sex in the context of marriage.
I
have never heard anyone ever say, "I wish I had started my sexual life earlier." But over and over again I hear people say, "I wish I had waited."
The good news is that Jesus is the God of the second chance. With him there is always the hope of a new beginning.
It may be that you've experimented with sex outside of marriage and now you're dealing with a broken heart, shame or guilt. Or if you're a famous person living, for example in the District of Columbia, you may be trying to stay keep your career alive. I know you don't need anymore pain. And I'm delighted to tell you that Jesus is more than ready to heal the hurt, free you from the guilt, forgive you, and give you a brand new start.
I encourage you, if you are not married, to value yourself enough to wait, even if you've been sexually active in the past. And I encourage you to make that decision by surrendering your past, your hurts, and your sexuality to Jesus Christ. He wants what's best for you. And as you make a commitment to GREAT sex by waiting until marriage, he will walk with you, honor your commitment and help you keep it.

AMEN