This Week's Light Service Sermon

Light Service Sermons for the Month
Family-Making It Work
Becoming a Person Others Want to be Around
DATE: September 13, 1998
TEXT: Colossians 3:12-14

Every once in a while newspapers will conduct polls asking people who they would most like to date or who they would most like to hang around for a day. And the answers usually come as no surprise. Usually the answers list the most popular or well-known people in culture at the time. For example, today people might say David Letterman or Cindy Crawford or Garth Brooks. For some reason, we believe, through the few glimpses we have of these people in the media, they are the kinds of people we want to be around.
A few years ago Christie Brinkly was at the top of the list of people we'd like to hang around, particularly among the men interviewed. (Now that's a surprise.) In fact, in an episode of Mad About You, the main character used virtual reality to live out his fantasy of spending a day with Christie.
Billy Joel was the one lucky enough to not only hang around her, but to marry her and live with her. In fact, Billy Joel himself was another person whose name would often come up when asked who it is we'd like to meet.
Here you have two people, respected and admired by millions, the kind of people we'd all like to hang around, two people who marry each other but find, in the end, that they can't get along; that they don't want to hang with each other for a lifetime.
The point is, there's a big difference between hanging around someone for a day and hanging with that person for a lifetime as we do with our families. When you're in a family, you get to know each other intimately. You become totally familiar with each person's strengths and irritating weaknesses. So it takes something special to build strong relationships with people who we know so well and who know us just as well.
Today, we're beginning a new three-part series called, "Family—Making it Work." Over the next couple of weeks we'll talk about how to get along with your spouse, with your children, and with your teenager.
But today, as we begin the series, we're going to look at one of the most important keys to getting along with our families, and that key is to be the kind of person others want to be around. But before we talk about it, let's pray about it.
Heavenly Father, God of life and continuity: Surround us in our families with a sense of history, appreciation for the blessings which have made this present possible and for the people whom you blessed that we, their children, might be blessed as well. And with that knowledge, move us all anew to say, "As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. AMEN
Saul was a bitter, vindictive man. His life was driven by anger. And he took that anger out on others. As Christianity began to grow, Saul tried to wipe it out. He hunted down Christians and either arrested them or killed them. For instance, he presided over the stoning of a man by the name of Stephen, who was killed simply because he believed in Jesus. So you can see that Saul was not the kind of person you wanted to meet let alone hang around.
But several years later this same man wrote one of the most moving, powerful passages on love ever written. Here's a part of what he wrote:
"Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrong doing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends."
Obviously something happened to Saul, something that transformed him from an angry, bitter man, the kind of person we'd stay away from, to the kind of person we'd like to hang around.
Shortly after Saul instigated the stoning of Stephen, he was on his way to arrest more Christians. But on his way he was enveloped by a bright light and Jesus, the one Saul was trying to destroy, appeared to him. Saul was overwhelmed by the unconditional love and acceptance he felt in the presence of Jesus. And Saul, once the persecutor of Christians, became Paul, the greatest defender of the Christian faith this world had ever known. Jesus Christ had changed Paul into a man that attracted others, into a man who others wanted to be around.
After Jesus changed his life, Paul wrote several letters to Christians living at that time and many of these letters have been preserved in the Bible. In one of those letters, Paul shares with us several character traits that Jesus molds in us—character traits that help us become that kind of people others want to be around which in turn helps us get along with our families. And in our remaining few moments together I'd like to look with you at four of those traits and how Jesus can shape them in your life.
1) First of all, Jesus makes us friendly people. Paul writes, "As God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, clothe yourselves with compassion and kindness."
No one likes hanging around or living with grumps or negative people. In fact, the Bible tells us it's better to live on the roof of a house than in the house with a crank. Cranky people turn us off.
Friendly people, on the other hand, are attractive people. They put the needs of others ahead of their own. They do certain things and say certain things that make us feel better about ourselves. Those are the kinds of people we like to hang around and Jesus can help us become that kind of person.
As we experience the compassion and kindness of Jesus in our lives, as we experience a deep, intimate friendship with him, he molds us into compassionate, kind people. He makes us people who, like Jesus, respond to the needs of others; who see that the welfare of our family members is as important as our own welfare.
During the Civil War, an aide approached President Lincoln and said, "You have an enemy and somehow you must get rid of him. You must kill him!"
Lincoln turned to the aide and said, "If I turn my enemy into a friend, have I not slain my enemy?"
If we want to build great families, we will want to be the kind of person Lincoln talks about, the kind of person who seeks to be friends with his or her family. And the love of Jesus can give us a friendly heart.
2) Secondly, Jesus makes us confident people. Paul says that as God's people we should also put on humility and meekness.
There are two kinds of people that are hard to live with: The overconfident, conceited person and the self-deprecating person. We can only put up with so much bragging before we find ourselves getting sick. And we tire of trying to build up people who are constantly putting themselves down.
But there's something very attractive about people who know who they are; people who are comfortable with their strengths and weaknesses. To be humble and meek doesn't mean we continually devalue ourselves. To be humble and meek means that we see ourselves as Jesus sees us, as people of worth and value; as people who have something to offer the world. And when we view ourselves rightly we find that we are then able to treat others with respect and value. And that in turn helps us build strong families and relationships.
3) Third, Jesus makes us forgiving people. Paul writes, "Bear with one another and, if anyone has a complaint against another, forgive each other; just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you must also forgive."
One day a young boy at summer camp received a large package of cookies in the mail from his mom. He ate a few and then hid the rest under the bed. When he went back later to grab a cookie, the box was gone.
That afternoon he spotted the thief eating the cookies so the young boy told one of the counselors about it. The counselor said, "I'll tell you what, Billy, let's teach him a lesson." Billy said, "Well, OK. But you are going to punish him, aren't you?" The counselor said, "No, that would only make him resent you. Instead, what I want you to do is to call your mom and ask for another box of cookies."
When the cookies arrived the counselor said, "Now, Billy, I want you to go over and share your cookies with the kid who stole your first box."
Billy protested but as the encouragement of the counselor decided to give it a try. A half an hour later the counselor saw the two boys walking arm in arm talking and laughing.
None of us like to hang around people who are consumed with bitterness and vindictiveness. Instead, we enjoy people who love and forgive unconditionally.
To be a forgiving person means that we make a decision not to hold a grudge—that we decide that the hurt, no matter how justified, will not get in the way of healing the relationship.
Forgiveness is never easy. But as we experience the unconditional forgiveness of Jesus, it sets us free to be forgiving people.
4) Finally, Paul tells us that Jesus makes us loving people. He says, "Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony."
Loving people accept others unconditionally. They do all they can to make their relationships healthy and strong. When someone fails, they're there to help them get back up. When they themselves make a mistake or hurt someone, they seek forgiveness and restitution. Loving people, having been loved by Jesus, seek to share that love with others. And loving people are the kinds of people we all want to hang around.
Many of you have seen the film, Good Will Hunting. It is the story of a young mathematical genius by the name of Will Hunting who happens to be a janitor at MIT. Abused and orphaned as a boy, Will not only never had the opportunity to go to college, but goes out of his to ensure that he would never become college material. As Shawn, a psychiatrist played by Robin Williams, explains it, "Will pushes away anyone who might abandon him like his parents."
But all that changed when three people entered his life, Gerald, an MIT professor who recognizes Will's genius, Shawn who refuses to give up on Will even when sorely tested to do so, and Skyler, a Harvard co-ed who falls in love with Will. All three accept him unconditionally. Gradually, he, in turn, reciprocates their love of him enabling him to become a new person, ready to accept his giftedness and stop pushing away the love each gives to him.
Love is the power that changes lives. And there is one whose love for us can change us. He loves us so much, in fact, that he died for us and rose again that we might be able to be friends with him. And as we live in a relationship with Jesus, as we grow in our friendship with him, he molds us into the kind of people others want to hang around—friendly, confident, forgiving and loving people.
I invite you today to discover the difference Jesus can make in your life by welcoming him into you life today. And as you enjoy his love for you, he will help you become the kind of person others want to be around. Because, as far as Jesus is concerned, you're already a person he wants to be around.

AMEN