This Week's Light Service Sermon

Light Service Sermons for the Month
Family Making it Work
How to Get Along with Your Children
DATE: September 27, 1998
TEXT: Ephesians 6:4

Ah raising Kids. Every child is different. One point our sketch highlights is that raising the first child one way doesn't mean that you will be afforded a repeat performance the next time around. When Linda and I were first married we decided to wait five years before we started to have children. Four years later I was still not out of graduate school and I thought it would be better if we waited yet one more year before stopping all the precautionary measures to having a baby like separate apartments in separate towns in separate states. But five years, five weeks later Skip was born in Philadelphia and my last year of seminary.
As new parents we really didn't know what we were doing as we raised kids. Skip developed colic, which meant a lot of sleepless nights until we discovered he was allergic to milk. I can still remember what bliss it was to sleep through the entire night. Stacy, bless her heart, was nothing like her brother. She seemed to sleep right from the beginning.
But with both of them, it seemed that just when we had it figured out, our kids would grow a little more and the rules would change. And now that our children are grown and out of the house, we're finding that we have to change our parenting style once again.
Like many parents here today, I have found parenting to be an extremely rewarding experience. It's been fun to see my children grow and mature—to see them move from utter dependence to a growing independence. To see them begin to dream dreams and then pursue them.
But, like many parents here today, I have also found parenting to be an extremely challenging experience. The comedian Martin Mull once said, "Having children is like have a bowling alley installed in your brain." At times even that is an understatement.
And yet, through all of its challenges and rewards, I believe that parenting is a special gift from God. And thankfully, his desire is to help us be the best parents that we can be.
As we continue our series on "How to get along with our family," we're going to spend our time talking about how to get along with our children. As we do we're going to look at five ingredients for building a strong family. But before we talk about it, let's pray together.
Heavenly Father, throughout his earthly ministry, your Son, our savior Jesus, held children in fond regard, concerned about their welfare and attentive to their needs. Hear the prayers of the parents among us, raised urgently and frequently in behalf of their children and answer them, each in its time, according to your will. AMEN
In our Bible reading for today the writer, a man by the name of Paul, shares with us some advice on how to get along with our children.
Parents don't be hard on your children. Raise them properly. Teach them and instruct them about the Lord.
Paul tells us that the key to getting along with our children is to build our family on the foundation of faith. So with that in mind, I'd like to share with you five ingredients that can help you build a faith-rooted family.
1) The first ingredient of a faith-rooted family is FAITH, taking the time to instill in our children the love of God has for them.
A teacher asked her students what they wanted to be when they grew up. The children each took a turn shouting, "A teacher," or "a fireman," or "a doctor." The teacher noticed Billy hadn't answered so she asked, "Billy, what do you want to be when you grow up?" And Billy said "Possible. My mom is always telling me I'm impossible. When I grow up I want to become possible."
Faith let's our children know that with God, all things are possible. That with God, their lives are filled with possibilities. Faith roots our children in hope. It instills within them a "can-do" attitude. For faith-oriented homes freely share the love and forgiveness of Jesus Christ. And when children know their creator personally through Jesus, it instills in them a sense of worth and value that helps them grow strong and balanced.
When our children were little, we used to pray with them every night before bed. Over the years those simple prayers have changed into deep, penetrating questions about God and faith—questions that at times even provoked heated debates. And you have to understand, it's one thing to ask your parents tough faith questions. It's another to ask them of a parent who also happens to be a pastor. But to be honest, I can hardly keep up with them.
And yet, because of the foundation of faith laid over the years, the prayer times, the times of worship, the Confirmation, Sunday School, and so on, our children have been rooted in the God who loves them. And I know that that foundation of faith will continue to be a gift that helps them face the challenges and joys of life.
So the first ingredient for getting along with our children is to root them in the unconditional love of God.
2) The second ingredient of a faith-rooted family is Acceptance.
The two fathers in our sketch both accepted their sons, despite an obvious difference in the sons' performance abilities. I too have made an interesting discovery. My two children are nothing alike. Besides the obvious gender difference, one succeeds by inspiration the other succeeds by perspiration. While one is methodical planner, the other flies by the seat of his pants. And because they are different, I have to respond to them differently. And that means I have to accept them for who God created them to be and treat them appropriately.
One of the great needs all children have is to be accepted for who they are. They don't want to be compared to others. Instead, they want to be encouraged to develop their own unique gifts and talents. They long to be appreciated just as they are. To be valued as individuals.
The difficulty with unconditional love is perhaps, and oddly enough, due to its intrinsic simplicity. We see ourselves daily as objects of constant reconsideration. Only after we manage to squeak some "good" do we let ourselves enjoy the warmth of God's love. But make one slip and we imagine it's off to the heavenly woodshed. The two fathers in our sketch have sons with an obvious contrast in talent. Yet both sons are still loved and accepted by their fathers. That's an appropriate model of a heavenly Father who loves without condition.
A young family was sitting in a restaurant trying to decide what they wanted to eat. The waitress came over and jotted down the parent's order and then asked their young son what he wanted. He said, "I want a hot dog—" but before he could finish his sentence his mom said, "No hot dog. He'll take the potatoes and the beef, both vegetables, a hard roll, and a glass of milk."
But the waitress wasn't listening. She said to the young boy, "What do you want on your hot dog?" With a big smile he said, "Ketchup, lot's of ketchup." And as the waitress walked away he said to his stunned mother, "You know what? She thinks I'm real! She thinks I'm real!"
One of the greatest gifts we can give our children is the gift of acceptance. And to demonstrate that acceptance by truly understanding how God has wired them and respond appropriately.
3) The third ingredient of a faith-rooted family is Inspiration.
Where acceptance appreciates how God has created our children, inspiration helps our children see themselves as God sees them. Inspiring parents see the best in their children and draw it out of them. They see themselves as teachers, having the privilege of molding and shaping their children into all God wants them to be. Inspiring parents hold up a vision for their children of what they can accomplish in life. They instill in their children a sense of worth and value.

A young girl was intently watching as a sculptor worked on a large piece of stone. Suddenly she saw something familiar in the rock. It was the face of Abraham Lincoln. In her excitement she asked the man, "How in the world did you know that Abraham Lincoln was in that block of stone?"

Inspiring parents see the God-given potential in their children and do what they can to encourage it and draw it out.

4) The fourth ingredient of a faith-rooted family is time.

Strong, healthy families spend time together. They play together. They pray together. They attend church together. They intentionally set aside time together to enjoy each other and grow together. And that's important. Because, when it comes to time, children measure it not in terms of quality, but in terms of quantity and availability.

A dad was visiting his son's class one day and overheard his son talking with three of his friends. One of the friends bragged, "My daddy is a doctor and he makes lots of money and we have swimming pool." The second friend said, "Oh yeah! My daddy is a lawyer for Monica Lewisnsky and flies to Washington and talks to the President." The third friend, not wanting to be outdone, said, "Well my daddy owns a company and we have our own airplane."

The dad was curious as to how his son would respond and was delighted when his son said, "Well, my daddy is here!"

One writer put it this way:

"Now is the time to love. Tomorrow the baby won't be rocked, the toddler won't be asking, "Why?" The schoolboy won't need help with his lessons nor will he bring his school friends home for some fun. Tomorrow the teenager will have made her major decisions."

We get along with our children when we spend time with them.

5) The final ingredient of a faith-rooted family is Harmony.

Families that get along together work at harmony. They make unity a priority. Though they don't do it perfectly, they try to hear everyone out. They value each person's opinion. And they try to make decisions in which everyone wins.

When parents mix faith, acceptance, inspiration, and time into their families, more often than not, harmony is built through a climate of unconditional love, acceptance, and forgiveness.

And that brings us back to our starting point, faith. As we enjoy the love, acceptance, and forgiveness Jesus offers us, as we share that with our children, we find that it creates the unity and harmony we long for. For when we know that we're loved and valued by Jesus, it sets us free to love and value each other. Jesus Christ is the foundation of a strong, healthy, family.

Today, God invites you to build your family on the foundation of faith, to let Jesus be the center of your family. And as we close I want to give you an opportunity to take God up on that invitation by praying with you. I'd like to spend a few moments praying for all of the parents here, that God wold help you build faith, acceptance, inspiration, time, and harmony into your families that you might experience a strong, close-knit family.

Let us pray once more: O God, from whom all families receive their name; teach us to learn from our children. When they are stubborn, teach us of your patience with us. When they are loving, teach us of your desire to be loved. When they imitate us, teach us to be imitators of Christ. When they trustingly lay their cares and their hurts and their smiles and their lives into our hands, teach us the meaning of true faith in your great love.

AMEN